Ode to the Last Good Conservative

Apologies to Tony Orlando and Dawn, authors of "Knock Three Times."

Hey boy what ya doin' next to me
Sittin' alone in your stall while I sit here beside you
I can hear your bladder contracting
I think of your sphincter compacting
One stall beside me you don't even know me
I love you

(Refrain)
Oh, my darling, tap three times on my shoe top if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no, oh, my sweetness
(Tap, Tap, Tap!) Means you'll meet me by the urinal
Mmm, twice on the pipe (clink, clink) means you ain't gonna show

If you look out your window tonight
Pull in the string with the note that says gays are a no no
Read how many times I said it
How people believed I really meant it
Only in my dreams did I know I was living a lie

(Refrain)
Oh, my darling, tap three times on my shoe top if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no, oh, my sweetness
(Tap, Tap, Tap!) Means you'll meet me by the urinal
Mmm, twice on the pipe (clink, clink) means you ain't gonna show

I can hear your body voiding
I can feel there is no avoiding
That one stall beside me you don't even know me
I love you

(Refrain)
Oh, my darling, tap three times on my shoe top if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no, oh, my sweetness
(Tap, Tap, Tap!) Means you'll meet me by the urinal
Mmm, twice on the pipe (clink, clink) means you ain't gonna show


For Fred (Anytime, Anywhere ... mmm) Dooley