Gorilla Logic

Damn, I was going to comment about the recent post by Clint regarding mine about him (it sometimes gets confusing), and I deleted the original.

Anyway, the post mostly had to do with Clint trying to be funny regarding a statement Al Gore made recently and providing a list of -- what he called -- Dem lies.

I responded in my usual humorous way.

Clint grunted a reply, “Nyah, nyah. See, told you so.” Then he peeled a banana and picked some lice.

It’s so simple to refute these bozos. I wonder why I bother.

It's fun!

Santorum a No-Show

h/t Daily Kos

Scott Newcomer has nothing over Sen. Rick Santorum. At least Newcomer plans to live in the district that elected him.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sent a letter (routine request for Voter’s Guide information) to the address Santorum claims in Penn Hills, PA. The letter came back stamped “Not Deliverable As Addressed -- Unable To Forward."

The editorial about this in the Post-Gazette is really quite hilarious.

The God of Everything

From my Mom, again. Where does she find these things?

Did God Create Evil?
Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil? A university professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil." The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor. The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" "What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy and heat. What makes a body or matter have or transmit energy? Absolute zero (-460 IF) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down. The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

***

Considering that Einstein was Jewish, his open-mindedness is remarkable.

I have never denied the existence of God, I just don't believe (with respect) that God is the god of Rick Esenberg, of one billion plus Arabs, or of any of the other religious faiths. Happiness to them and their faith.

For myself, God is in my heart and that's all I need to know.

UPDATE! This link provides an excellent discussion on the urban legend that is this piece. However, my part is real.

We're So Sorry

With the Badger Blog Alliance shindig coming soon (yours truly will not be attending for multiple reasons), now is the time to check out "Above the Borderline." One of its members ran afoul of my buddy, Chris, of spottedhorse2 fame. Now he’s not invited to the picnic. He’s very sad … as are some of his friends. If you want to commiserate, check out the links below. Their apologies are touching … NOT! But they are hilarious. If you click over now you will be entertained by:

Hurry, Supplies are Limited

And who can forget this time-honored classic:

Countdown to Badger Blog Alliance Bash: Only 4 Days

Hey, I used to drink Old Mill when I was a kiddy, it was cheap.

Don’t Worry If You Swill Too Much Old Mill

Clean up while reading this gem.

Count Down To Badger Blog Alliance Bash ... Don't Forget The Soap!

Get the hankys out. Damn the MSM. They wouldn’t report this.

Tragic Lawn Dart Accident at BBA/KKK Picnic!

Big forearms? You'll like this.

I Like to Swear, I Used to be a Sailor


There's more, but time and space wait for no one and I have little of the former. Click here. These guys are funny.

Ironic Pity

Good grief, Patrick McIlheran is now quoting Peter DiGaudio. Of course, considering that McIlheran likes to travel WorldNetDaily and its crazy loons, I guess it makes sense.

This from DiGaudio the other day. I’m sure he didn’t see the irony in the first and last sentences. I’ll highlight them for him.

And the anti-gun Nazis shouldn't feel too smug, either. As I have maintained all along, none of this is about guns, easy access to guns, and too many guns. It's about out-of-control personal behavior.

***

Oh, did you ever notice that the majority of DiGaudio's posts have to do with African-Americans, or Hispanics? And, he really doesn't like Michael McGee Jr and Eugene Kane. I can understand McGee, but Kane? Kane writes opinions from his side of the aisle. But DiGaudio apparently has skin thinner than onion paper, because he rants on and on about Kane. I'll give McIlheran credit, he has the professional courtesy to deny agreeing with DiGaudio about Kane.

I read DiGaudio because he is a bellweather for the far right loonies. Always good to know what they're up to.

Memorial Day Revisited

Revisiting Memorial Day for a moment. I remembered my grandfather who fought in WWI. A loving man who taught me how to be proud and stand up for what you believe. And my father, still alive and living in Madison (of all places, he’s very conservative), who was a Marine in WWII … and of course my uncles who fought in Vietnam.

h/t to Tom Tomorrow for this article by Bob Herbert of The New York Times.

Consider the Living
The point of Memorial Day is to honor the service and the sacrifice of those who have given their lives in the nation’s wars. But I suggest that we take a little time today to consider the living.

Look around and ask yourself if you believe that stability or democracy in Iraq — or whatever goal you choose to assert as the reason for this war — is worth the life of your son or your daughter, or your husband or your wife, or the co-worker who rides to the office with you in the morning, or your friendly neighbor next door.

Before you gather up the hot dogs and head out to the barbecue this afternoon, look in a mirror and ask yourself honestly if Iraq is something you would be willing to die for.
There is no shortage of weaselly politicians and misguided commentators ready to tell us that we can’t leave Iraq — we just can’t. Chaos will ensue. Maybe even a civil war. But what they really mean is that we can’t leave as long as the war can continue to be fought by other people’s children, and as long as we can continue to put this George W. Bush-inspired madness on a credit card.

Start sending the children of the well-to-do to Baghdad, and start raising taxes to pay off the many hundreds of billions that the war is costing, and watch how quickly this tragic fiasco is brought to an end.

At an embarrassing press conference last week, President Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain looked for all the world like a couple of hapless schoolboys who, while playing with fire, had set off a conflagration that is still raging out of control. Their recklessness has so far cost the lives of nearly 2,500 Americans and tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis, many of them children.

Among the regrets voiced by the president at the press conference was his absurd challenge to the insurgents in 2003 to “bring ‘em on.” But Mr. Bush gave no hint as to when the madness might end.

How many more healthy young people will we shovel into the fires of Iraq before finally deciding it’s time to stop? How many dead are enough?

What The Hell

This was sent by my sister ... A piece she found on the Internet, somewhere. I wish I was this clever.

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


This student received the only "A."

Another Guest Appearance

Jessica McBride reprises her role in Tom Tomorrow's "Modern World" as a mindless automaton. Click on image to enlarge.

Brookfield Bigot

Read a Joel McNally column (“The Capital Times,” May 26, 2006) addressing the illegal immigration debate and the role of Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner. It really is a good read, in my opinion. Here is a link to the column. However, the paragraph from McNally below really sums up my feelings about our Brookfield bigot.

If Sensenbrenner really wanted to be honest about what he's up to, he would
simply add an amendment declaring white to be our national color.

Living Will

With a child on the way, it seems a good idea finally to put together a living will ... just in case conservatives with guns go on a shooting spree (lol). This form was sent to me by a friend. Looks like a good start. Click on image to enlarge.

Weekend is Almost Done

“The only intelligent bloggers are progressive in thought.”

The statement above is one of many that Clint at Milwaukee ID10T claims are logical extrapolations of this from Al Gore:

I believe it is appropriate to have an over-representation of factual
presentations on how dangerous (global warming) is, as a predicate for opening
up the audience to listen to what the solutions are, and how hopeful it is that
we are going to solve this crisis.

So, Clint conjures up an entire page of “lying” Democratic statements (I'm sure he thinks it's satire).

Here’s a link to his site. I’ll let you, dear reader, determine the success of Clint's attempt at satire. However, I also thought it would be a fun experiment to take the reverse of each of his statements and comment on some of them. So let’s assume the opposite must be Republican stances. Let’s see …

(Dem) There has (sic) no progress in Iraq in the last 3 years.
(Repub) There has been progress in Iraq.
I would agree. We continue to kill an entire generation of young men and women for a war no one wanted. That’s progress, wingnut style.

(Dem) Iraq was a peaceful place before we removed Saddam.
(Repub) Iraq was not peaceful before we removed Saddam.
Well, I guess that depends on what one means by peaceful. Regardless, if the fact that a nation is not a peaceful place means we can bomb the shit out of it and occupy the country, then one third of the world’s nations should beware.

Dem) Criminals wouldn’t possess guns if we made guns illegal.
(Repub) Criminals would possess guns if they were made legal.
Duh. By the way, no one I know truly wants to make guns illegal. Don’t be stupid. I just don’t care to have a gun stuck under my nose because of road rage, or because I was peacefully fishing in the Town of Merton.

(Dem) The economy stinks. Don’t look at the facts. Just trust us. You will be next to lose your job.
(Repub) The economy is great. Look at the facts. Don’t trust us. You’ll never lose your job.
Hee hee. National debt is rising to record highs, buying power of middle class and below is shrinking … just check the facts. By the way, the rich people love people like Clint. He does all the work for them.

(Dem) Democrats are the party of fiscal responsibility.
(Repub) Republicans are the party of fiscal unresponsibility.
National debt, etc.

(Dem) Michael McGee Jr. has never committed a crime. He is just a target for evil white rich people.
(Repub) Michael McGee Jr. has committed crimes. He is not the target of evil, white, rich people.
I don’t know, nor do I care to try to delve into his mind. If Clint wants to waste his time with this idiot, go ahead.

At this point, Clint's drinking must have gotten the better of him because the mumbo jumbo just gets worse. Resuming here:

(Dem) The only intelligent bloggers are progressive in thought.
(Repub) The only unintelligent bloggers are conservative in thought.
I wouldn’t go that far.

(Dem) Schools would be more successful if they had more money.
(Repub) Schools will be less successful with less money.
True. I knew he couldn't resist a jab at public education. Still trying to determine what the hell "teaching to the lowest common denominator" means.

(Dem) Iran just wants peace.
(Repub) Iran wants war.
If Clint truly believes the first, psychiatry is recommended. Iran would be crushed.

Weirdness again. Clint is sure obsessed with uppity black men. First Michael McGee Jr. and then Ray Nagin. One sample:

(Dem) George Bush ordered Ray Nagin to park the school buses and let the 9th ward drown. Huh?

Some more weirdness and then the obsession continues with Hugo Chavez.

And finally ...

(Dem) George Bush [insert problem].
(Repub) Inserted problem [George Bush].
Amen!

UPDATE: Simple response from a simple mind ... See

Temporarily out of Ammunition

It's been an odd two weeks. I'm just as outraged as ever about the antics and the stupidity of most of the wingnut cheddarsphere. I read Clint's pieces and shake my head. Peter's leave me with a headache. Jessica's are too silly and petty to mention. I've caught James' cold (thanks).

Owen comes across as reasonable until you delve further. Dean is okay, though I'm stunned that he is in the plus 50 crowd, too (you look younger). RealDebate is no such thing. And of course there is no explanation, physical, metaphysical, or even hysterical for Chris.

And yet, none of their antics, their poor writing skills, or their complete inability to master even the simplest logic the past two weeks have had more than the tiniest impact on me because ... none are important.

My wife and I are having a baby!

I came home and she showed me the test results. I was floored. The fertility insitute and numerous hospital tests all confirmed that the liklihood of this occurring was closer to Peter DiGuadio constructing an original argument that made sense. For those who do not know Peter ... little chance at all.

We will continue to completion the home study process for adoption. Then we have one year to decide whether to continue or not. I hope that there will be no need to continue and sometime next January, a little boy, er, sorry honey ... a little girl will be born. Really, we don't care.

To those with children ... blessings. To those with none, but trying ... keep trying.

Post Turtle

Neither my mother or I take credit for this. I do not know where she found it, but ...

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W. Bush and his elevation to the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a post turtle.

"Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain: "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the dumb shit get down."

Weird Science

I just ran into something (not literally, for those who believe everything) that caused me to write this piece. Let me explain why. I was born May 25, 1956. So, in little more than one day, I will turn fifty. I am not happy about this. I don’t like the idea of turning fifty. It feels like I’m crossing a Rubicon in my life and the descent to serious aging will quicken. Consequently, my date with history has been on my mind of late.

Where was this going? I had surfed over to ESPN to check the baseball scoreboard. I do this religiously during the season. I have been a life-long baseball fan. One of the first books I owned was about the Baseball Hall of Fame. I even made up baseball dice games when I was a kid and kept stats (geek!).

Oddly, the results of the thousands of rolls of the two six-sided dice were similar in range to historical baseball norms. Different combinations of the dice elicited different results. Sometimes these resulted in re-shakes, which introduced more combinations. The average batting average was .280 to .300. and ERAs (earned run average) were in line with MLB.

Another strange thing was players like Hank Aaron, Willie Stargell, Roberto Clemente, Bob Gibson, Warren Spahn, etc., performed frighteningly similar to their real life selves. A weird connection mainlined by my fingers into those dice.

As a kid and later as an adult, my favorite team, other than the Braves, later the Brewers, was the Pittsburgh Pirates. I don’t know why, I had this thing for Pittsburgh. So naturally, when I first got involved in the fantasy baseball craze, my Strat-o-Matic expansion club was named the Pittsburgh Pirates (Braves and Brewers already taken).

If interested, check out the Strat-o-Matic website. It’s an incredibly accurate baseball experience.

For the next 15 years, my Pirates won five division titles (24-team league with 6 divisions), was the wild card entry another 3-4 other times and made it to one World Series where Larry Walker (a fav of mine traded to my World Series opponent at the beginning of the season) single-handedly snuffed the hopes of the Pirate faithful by winning two games with walk-off homers. Walker and his team, the Chicago White Sox, won the series four games to two.

A few years ago, I entered another league. This league added general manager to the list with its introduction of a salary structure, free agency, etc. This team, the Cream City Pirates has won one division title, and a wild card appearance.

Anyway, if you've stayed with me so far, hang on, we're almost there.

So, while surfing ESPN I saw this: “… excerpt from Rob Neyer's Big Book of Baseball Blunders, where Neyer recalls the Braves' signing of an aging Babe Ruth.” I clicked and read. Near the end, Neyer says this about the fading former Bronx Bomber:

There would be one last hurrah. On May 25 in Pittsburgh, Ruth hit a two-run
homer in the first inning. In the third, he hit another. And in the seventh, he
hit one more home run (this time with nobody on base). The latter two homers
came against Guy Bush, who years later would say, "I never saw a ball hit so
hard before or since. He was fat and old, but he still had that great swing.
Even when he missed, you could hear the bat go swish. I can't remember anything
about the first home run he hit off me that day. I guess it was just another
homer. But I can't forget that last one. It's probably still going."

I looked at the date of the game and where it was played (and the last name of the pitcher who yielded the final two homers ... indicative of the fall of the modern-day Bush?) and I was surprised and kind of thrilled at the cosmic implication that this was the reason I'm a baseball fan.

Hey, if thousands of monkeys pecking away indiscriminately at typewriters can produce Shakespeare over a journey of an eon or two, then anything is possible.

You say tomato and I say ... well ... tomato too

An article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel highlighted testing with adult stem cells that showed promise in combating urinary incontinence (I suppose one has to start somewhere).

Seth Zlotocha had a funny, but ultimately inaccurate piece, stating that F(at) James Sensenbrenner would be unhappy with this because his personal wealth comes from Kimberly-Clark, the makers of the product Depend.

James Wigderson pointed out at his site that Seth inaccurately portrayed the stem cells used. They were adult stems cells, Wigderson said, not stem cells obtained from the destruction of embryos.

James is right. I agree with James on everything except the misleading label he applies to Republicans who claim to be "pro-life." A more accurate label would be pro-adult stem cell Republicans.

Or, until Republicans (and conservatives, sorry, I forget you guys are two different entities) truly begin supporting life as in supporting getting our troops out of Iraq, as in defeating efforts to bring the death penalty to Wisconsin, as in defeating the so called defense of marriage initiative, then they should be known as the pro-expediency-anything-goes-because-we-ain't-got-no-stinking-morals-except-at election-time-when-we-need-to-get-out-the-vote Republicans.

Miracles

I'll post this anyway ... even though my wife surprised me with an e-mail from Vegas and so I included it in my reply to her. I have been blessed in life. Tonight I watched "Fiddler on the Roof." Miracle of Miracles is one of my favorite songs and the last stanza especially describes my feelings about Kelly.

But of all God's miracles large and small,
The most miraculous one of all
Is the one I thought could never be:
God has given you to me.

Here's hoping that everyone is happy or has moments of happiness in their lives.

And the Deer and Its Baby Play

Been taking it easy from blogging the last few days. Dropped my beautiful wife off at Mitchell Field this morning. She is attending a business conference in Vegas.

I wanted to recount an incident that occurred Thursday, or was it Wednesday. I don't know, events tend to blend into the background these days. Anyway, I had just begun cutting the lawn and had reached the back end of the lot when out from the adjacent wood with creek walked a solitary doe. That this occurred was rather odd. She didn't seem frightened at all by the noise from the riding lawnmower ... just strode to the middle of the yard, glanced over at me casually, and just stood there.

I continued to the far side, turned, shut off the engine and just watched. She looked around, sauntered a few paces ... then I noticed movement to my left, about 50 yards away near the house. It was a fawn. I'm not sure where the baby came from. It was probably resting in the bushes that line and separate the yards. We had found a fawn last spring and had been told by the local Humane Society that the mothers will often leave their fawn in secluded places, go off to feed, and then return for their babes.

Baby walked across the yard a little unsteadily toward its mom ... all legs. It reached its mom and immediately began suckling. It paid no attention to me. It had eyes only for its mom.

The two eventually strolled toward the creek together and entered the wood. Before, though, the mother took one long look at me. I've no idea what went through the mind of the mother doe. Is thought even remotely processed by deer in a similar fashion to humans?

But I think she was just saying I'll be on my way now and thanks for not frightening my child. Or, vote Democrat this fall. Who can say.

New Deportation Strategy on the Right

This from an article by Joe Conason, at Working for Change.

On the far-right Web site WorldNetDaily, a columnist who describes himself as a “Christian libertarian” recently explained why he knew that the president is wrong about mass deportations. “If it took the Germans less than four years to rid themselves of six million Jews, many of whom spoke German and were fully integrated into German society,” he wrote, “it couldn't possibly take more than eight years to deport 12 million illegal aliens, many of whom don't speak English and are not integrated into American society.”

If memory serves me right, those Jewish citizens were not deported, unless sending them to a different astral plain counts. And conservatives say we have an anger problem.

Click here for the entire Conason article.

Also a post on this at the Talent Show. I followed the link from there to Crooks and Liars and finally to the article in question at WorldNetDaily. Mysteriously, the article has been altered and the German connection removed.

And to think that Pat McIlheran has quoted pieces from WorldNetDaily. Goes to show where his ethics lie.

They Just Can't Stop Lying

Clint at Milwaukee ID10T thinks that a video supposedly showing Tony Snow “smack down” octogenarian Helen Thomas is good TV. He fails to note, as usual for conservative listeners and, especially conservative bloggers, that Tony Snow was at his disingenuous best. Click here for the Media Matters follow up to this press conference.

I Can't Wait To Spend That $20

Quality of life tax cut for my frind Clint:

Another $70 billion tax cut was recently passed. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities says the average middle-income household will get a $20 tax cut. Oh boy!

Those making more than $1 million a year will get nearly $42,000.

Damn, you're right. Love that quality of life statement by conservative governance. But at least it's a plan, you'll say.

Some plan. Now if only we could win the lottery.

Who Are The Traitors to Liberty?

When conservatives tell you that you should be willing to sacrifice some freedoms "temporarily" for the sake of security in the war on terrorism, remember these:

“Those who would trade safety for freedom deserve neither.” -- Thomas Jefferson

“Those that would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither liberty nor security.” -- Ben Franklin

“Those who are ready to sacrifice freedom for security ultimately will lose both.” -- Abraham Lincoln

Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave ...

(Click on image to view)

What Do You Think?

Another from Mom (in honor of Mother's Day):


It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then, just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it, exactly, we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot, with NPR blaring on the radio, and ran up to the big glass doors ... They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a Poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker? I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's, this week it will be the speeches of George W. Bush." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today I made the final step: I registered to vote as a Republican.

Down on the Border

Rather than adding 6,000 National Guard members to the Border Patrol, let's just add F(at) James Sensenbrenner. His girth should be enough to cover the entire border several times over. Wouldn't have to feed him either. He could just eat the clumsy ones who fall into his pudgy grasp.

And if that is not enough, we can plant large speakers up and down the border and replay Jessica McBride radio shows.

Our Government Hears Your Concerns

(Again, from This Modern World)

The Brain and the Brainless

The cover for a new soap opera (from This Modern World).

What Conservatism Reaps ... Hatred

I read this a week or so ago in an old Time magazine. What a great idea. That conservative, homophobe bastard, Fred Phelps, deseves this kind of attention.

From The Army Times:

Bikers drown out funeral protesters
By Ryan Lenz, Associated Press

FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Wearing leather chaps and vests covered in military patches, a band of motorcyclists rolls from one soldier’s funeral to another in hopes their respectful cheers and revving engines will drown out the insults of protesters.

The motorcycle club members calling themselves Patriot Guard Riders are trying to shield mourners from cruel jeers by adherents of a tiny fundamentalist church who picket military funerals to reflect their belief that U.S. combat deaths are a sign God is punishing the United States for harboring homosexuals. Some protesters’ signs said, “Thank God for IEDs,” the improvised explosive devices, or homemade bombs, that kill many U.S. soldiers.

“The most important thing we can do is let families know that the nation cares,” said Don Woodrick, the biker group’s Kentucky captain. “When a total stranger gets on a motorcycle in the middle of winter and drives 300 miles to hold a flag, that makes a powerful statement.”
Across the nation, Patriot Guard Riders number more than 5,000. They show up at soldiers’ funerals to chant patriotic slogans and wave red, white and blue flags in hopes of overshadowing backers of a Kansas clergyman named the Rev. Fred Phelps.

Phelps and members of his Westboro Baptist Church have caused such a fuss that at least 14 states are considering laws aimed at the funeral protests. During the 1990s, church members were known mostly for picketing funerals of AIDS victims, and they have long been tracked as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Intelligence Project in Montgomery, Alabama.

The project’s deputy director, Heidi Beirich, said other groups have tried to counter Phelps’ message, but none have been as organized as the Patriot Guard.

“I’m not sure anybody has gone to this length to stand in solidarity,” she said. “It’s nice that these veterans and their supporters are trying to do something. I can’t imagine anything worse, your loved one is killed in Iraq and you’ve got to deal with Fred Phelps.”

At a recent memorial service at Fort Campbell, church protesters and sang vulgar songs condemning homosexuals and soldiers. The Patriot Guard was also there, cheering to support mourning families across the street as community members came in a freezing rain to chant “U-S-A, U-S-A” alongside the bikers.

“This is just the right thing to do. This is something America didn’t do in the ’70s,” said Kurt Mayer, the Patriot Guard’s national spokesman, referring to the era when protests against the Vietnam war were common. “Whether we agree with why we’re over there, these soldiers are dying to protect our freedoms.”

Shirley Phelps-Roper, a daughter of Fred Phelps and an attorney for the Topeka, Kansas-based church, said neither state laws nor the Patriot Guard can silence their message that God killed the soldiers because they fought for a country that embraces homosexuals.

“The scriptures are crystal clear that when God sets out to punish a nation, it is with the sword. An IED is just a broken-up sword,” Phelps-Roper said. “Since that is his weapon of choice, our forum of choice has got to be a dead soldier’s funeral.”

The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps’ extended family. A small group of them appeared last month in West Virginia outside a memorial for the 12 men killed in the Sago Mine disaster. They held signs reading “Thank God for Dead Miners” and “Miners in Hell.”

Kentucky, home to sprawling Fort Campbell, was among the first states to attempt to deal with Phelps legislatively. Its House and Senate have each passed bills that would limit people from protesting within 300 feet of a funeral or memorial service. The Senate version would also keep protesters from being within earshot of grieving friends and family members.

The Indiana Senate has passed a bill intended to prohibit protests within 500 feet (150 meters) of funerals. The House is considering the measure.

The bills were written to protect families of soldiers such as Pvt. Jonathan R. Pfender, 22, of Evansville, Indiana, a soldier from Fort Campbell’s 101st Airborne Division who was killed in January by a roadside bomb in Beiji, Iraq.

Westboro church members protested at Pfender’s funeral, screaming profanities at mourners as they passed. Family members were shielded from the insults by the rumble of Patriot Guard motorcycles.

“We were glad that the Patriot Guard Riders were there,” said Jackie Pfender, the soldier’s stepmother. “This group of protesters wanted to put something negative on Jonathan’s funeral. In actuality, it became a positive thing because of the support we had.”

Patriot Guard members only show up at funerals if invited by family. Richard Wilbur, a retired police detective, said his Indiana Patriot Guard group came to the Pfender funeral at the family’s request after protesters announced they planned to attend.

“No one deserves this,” Wilbur said. “If I were burying my loved one and they were out there yelling anything close to what they yell to the families of these soldiers, I know my temperament. I probably would not handle it very well.”

Hanky Time

Another boo hoo piece from a conservative blogger. Once again it's the liberals' fault for all their woes. I'll let him speak for himself.

Conservative Anger Highway Sign

Thursday Jokes

Not in the mood for jousting. These are from a friend. I think I'll make this a regular post. Anyone have a good joke, send it to me and I'll publish it.


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

***

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into thehouse. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountainstuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

***

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

***

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

***

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

***

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like whenI'm driving."

***

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon theArmy dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

It's So Graphic

No blogging today (well, until now). The video driver went on the blink and I 've spent the greater part of the day trying to get the system to hold together long enough so I could change some settings, which allowed the system to function while I downloaded a new driver and repaired the problem.

Finally did only to discover that it's probably the card itself that isn't working. Oh well. I can work at minimum accelaeration for now. A new graphics card is not a priority.

This Land is Our Land

My friend, Elliot/Michael posted a comment to a post entitled, “Those Treasonous Dogs.” I began responding to him (I like his thinking and he is always reasonable), and then decided to make my response a separate post.

Which rights do Liberals still love, Tim? They long ago stopped being
defenders of the First Amendment (which is why I stopped being a liberal).
They never believed in the Second.I don't think Conservatives are all that
great, either. But I think Liberals lost the high ground a long time ago.

First thing to keep in mind, my friend … it was liberal thought that brought forth the constitution.Look it up. Imagine where we would be without those great liberal thinkers, Jefferson, Adams and Adams, Payne, etc.

I think you gave up being a liberal too soon, my friend. This liberal believes in the 2nd amendment, i.e. the right for the people to bear arms, though I have strong reservations about sub-machine guns and bazookas.

I’ve been a hunter, and enjoyed it when I was younger. I have experienced the thrill of the hunt. Truthfully, though, I think the only real hunters are those who use bows. I'm older now. I no longer crave mowing down defenseless creatures for food. There is always the alternative grocery store on every other block.

And as far as the 1st amendment, I think from my writings you'll see I am not a PC liberal. Have we gone too far? Absolutely. But our society tends to do that. It ebbs and it flows. Do you remember the roaring 20s? How about the 60s? My point is look out, the roaring, lost your minds 2010s are just around the corner.

Anyway, having said that, I am proud to be a flaming liberal. While taxes may be a wee high, I am not sorry to pay my fair share and help ensure government functions, roads are smooth and people in need are given a helping hand. In regards to a helping hand: Pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps is a favorite conservative phrase these days. Apply it to Halliburton and its greedy brethren and I’ll listen. A number of conservative bloggers have used this phrase to describe their own lives … how they had to work, blah blah blah. You know what? Boo hoo. Whining is not a liberal state of mind and certainly not mine. It is, however, what I think some conservatives are best at.

I don't believe in TABOR or any of its offspring. To amend the constitution is a whack job. Conservatives are saying they don't trust politicians. Fair enough, there are many to be disgusted with. The answer to that is to get people who truly care about the amity of the people to run for office. We the People! We're not so dumb.

I believe in marriage ... for all! And I don’t believe in wedge issues designed to create attendance on election day, at the expense of innocent citizens who will be affected by mean-spirited resolutions.

I believe in the right of a woman to choose without men interfering in their lives. We disagree sharply here, I know. But liberals have always been able to discuss things amongst themselves ... not so sure of narrow-minded conservatives, though I know a few who seem to have evolved. I know that both liberals and conservatives yearn for the day that abortion occurs so minimally that it doesn’t warrant pitched battles. Can’t we agree on exceptions for rape and incest and then educate our people to think of the consequences before conceiving? I’ve got to believe that some day we’ll succeed.

Believe! That’s what liberals do best. Rather than go backwards using faulty and aging memory cells to those glorious days of old, liberals believe in the present and the future. Liberals believe in people … all of them, regardless of faith, lack of faith, color, race, handicap. We are not a “white mans” club only, allowing only the token more brilliant or outspoken of others to have associate membership.

And one more thing. For all the denigration of the 60s, it was the 60s, the people, who hastened the end of that bastard Vietnam conflict. That there were excesses, no doubt. That the troops who were drafted to fight were treated poorly there and on their return, no doubt. But if the people had not risen and protested as was their RIGHT that conflict would probably have continued being the centerpiece of what it was: the playground of big power politics. It would not have been Nixon and his children, or any of the other supporters of that conflict and their children who would have suffered. It would have been my kids and yours.

Just like today.

Gobbledygook

Calling their arguments “gobbledygook,” a U.S. appeals panel handed the Bush administration their lunch regarding wiretapping of Internet phone calls.

“Your argument makes no sense,” U.S. Circuit Judge Harry T. Edwards told the lawyer for the Federal Communications Commission, Jacob Lewis.


I’m sure we’ll be hearing the familiar refrain about activist judges from the same old suspects in the very near future. This will include a misleading sub-header to an anything but fair and balanced Fox News story.

But who cares. This administration is kaput. Even their so-called true conservatives (the John Birch remnants) are bailing. It would really be quite humorous if the stakes were not so high … like constitutional rights, presidential overreaching of power, abuse of power, etc.

You know they will not go down without a fight and while they fritter away the time, thousands more will die for their misguided whims.

Islam Bad, Us Better ... Ug

At 12:08 in the morning, Jessica McBride must have been just a wee bit tired. Or she just got back from a barfing session. You know, the kind that happens to her when she reads her own writing back to herself.

This time she has come up with a doozy. I knew she was a flaming racist and intolerant prig before, but …well, check out her post on the JournalSentinel editorial about the open house being held at the Islamic Center of Milwaukee. I thought she was shallow before, but this takes the cake.

Let’s see, she’s not going to go because she already knows everything she needs to know about Islam; in some parts of their society women are treated differently than here. Gasp. Yes, that’s true, Jessica. But it’s not the case universally and I doubt it’s the only place where women are considered second-class citizens. How about evangelical Christians and their “woman must submit to man” doctrine. Ya know, hubby knows best.

And a McBride piece wouldn’t be a McBride piece without a nyah nyah section. She says, “Would the JS editorial board ever encourage Muslims to go to a Christian church for a "special opportunity" to get to know us and our ideals?” What?!?

Leaving aside the childishness of that statement, I have a news flash, Jessie-pooh, not all Muslims hate us. And last time I looked, yes, we did attack them, unless those armored units in Baghdad are just an illusion. Many of them don’t like us over there, regardless if you think it was the right thing to do. I’m sure there were many Germans who thought the Fuhrer was right on to invade Poland.

Considering that a real clash of cultures is underway, for the JournalSentinel to suggest and recommend that the “majority” population get to know a little about the people we are supposedly freeing from tyranny doesn’t seem such a bad idea.

I for one will go. I would like to ask why women remain subjugated in parts of Islamic society and I will LISTEN to the answer rather than assume I know all the answers.

***

Oh, I’ve wanted to comment on Jessie's quote from Winston Churchill, which she uses as an excuse for her banality.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. -- Winston Churchill

I have one for Jessica …

"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent." -- Thomas Jefferson

Those Treasonous Dogs

Click on image to expand view.

Those damn treasonous liberal dogs, what with their misguided love for rights, the constitution and all things mocca. They'll be the death of our greedy lobbying initiatives and land-oil grab. Ooooh, I know ... bring up the defense of marriage farce and let's change the subject again, hee hee hee.

It's raining potatoes. Oh, not really. Jessica McBride is barfing again.

Can You Hum a Few Bars?

While I'm in full agreement that people who come to America should learn and sing our national anthem in English, Jacob Weisberg at Slate Magazine has a funny piece on the difficulty that even native born Americans have with our anthem's archaic and convoluted lyrics.

Here is a link to the piece.

Weisberg also shares info on some of the other unofficial and alternative national anthems floating around. My favorite is Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land."

There are a number of unofficial and alternative national anthems that would
present less of a challenge to Latino immigrants rallying around "Nuestro Himno" a cloying, Latin-pop interpretation of "The Star-Spangled Banner" (and no improvement, incidentally, on the patriotically minded Spanish translation "La Bandera De Las Estrellas," scored by Walter Damrosch and published in 1919). The perennial top candidates are the 1913 version of "America the Beautiful," which was written by a Wellesley English professor named Katharine Lee Bates; Irving Berlin's 1938 version of "God Bless America" which became patriotic theme music in the days after the Sept. 11 attacks in 2001; and Woody Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land," which was written in 1940 as a kind of hobo's answer to "God Bless America."

One thing: I have read of all the outrage over the flying of the Mexican flag (I'm guessing it was, there is no Hispanic flag that I know of). This really seems like racist drivel to me. Come on, I've seen the German, Italien, Polish and Greek flags, all being flown at Summerfest. I've seen them flown above restaurants, inside restaurants. I've seen them at churches, outside homes ... everywhere. Aren't these people Americans and how dare they fly the flag of another country?

This country is large enough (I 'm not referring to land mass) to accept these people and figure out an equitable solution to this issue without resorting to racist tactics (Right, Charlie?).

Ha Ha Ha Sensenbrenner for President

This was (ha ha ha) too funny. I can hardly stop laughing (ha ha ha). This guy recommends F. James Sensenbrenner for president (ha ha ha, too much).

Stop it. It hurts.

Actually, Clint and I have had a few conversations (see posts below). While Clint has difficulty staying on topic, his comments are reasonably well done. But Sensenbrenner for prez?

Whoop whoop!

Lost in Conservative Fogland

Just an impression ... have you ever noticed that the majority of anonymous comments and comments from sites that have no profiles (rendering them effectively anonymous) are conservative in nature?

Just asking.

Brokeback Razorbacks

A friend sent this to me this morning.

This was actually on TV. The commentators paused and didn't say a word. Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out together ... at least when in uniform.

No Weight Loss Yesterday

Holding at 229. The split pea soup that I made the other day has not contributed to any weight gain. I'm glad I quit smoking, though.

Barf Session

News Alert!

Jessica McBride said she would begin barfing if she read another glowing story in the JournalSentinel about a Sen. Russ Feingold listening session.


Leap forward in time ...

Jessica McBride barfing endlessly. Parents concerned about water safety. MMSD contacted and considering gag (we can only hope).

Charlie Sykes blames Gov. Jim Doyle for lack of action and announces new Deep Tunnel award to person(s) who solve the McBride vomitus issue.

Husband Paul announces new website claiming his wife's puking directly related to release of drug-addled criminals by Kate Falk, though she has nothing to do with their release and in fact was in the Bahamas when the release occurred.

Scott Walker drops out of race for governor, again. Says McBride's vomiting problems a sign from god.


Leaping a little more forward in time ...

JournalSentinel sued. Judge decides that glowing articles about Feingold listening sessions are indeed the cause ofJessica McBride vomitus. Pictures of damage caused by her puking sway his decision.



























Scott Walker drops his candidacy for Waukesha County Supervisor for two reasons: god and, unbeknownst to him, all posts were eliminated in last election.


Leaping to the conclusion of this terrible ordeal ...

Giant sock stuffed down Jessica McBride's throat. No outcome expected.

Scott Walker begins barfing.

Piddle Piddle Splash Splash

"There was no arrest. There was no new charge, no new case. Case closed. Story's over. I won. Operative words: 'not guilty.'" -- Rush Limbaugh

Yeah right, Rush. Then why are you required to pee into a cup for the next 18 months? You simply had more money and better lawyers.

A Tough Question

I love and respect Hispanics, Hispanic culture and the desire many have for a better life. In that regard, Hispanics are no different than the other ethnic groups that have come here in droves.

I don't know how to handle this issue. It does seem to me that some employers share blame. If illegal immigrants were not hired, there would be less who would sneak in across the border.

Can we really send those back that are here now? I don't see how. On the other hand, today's march and job workoff, and the Hispanic anthem that was written will not make current citizens any more agreeable to Hispanic concerns.

There are also groups who are fanning the flames of racism over this issue. Race should be left out of this.

Another Pound

Down to 229. Have lost four pounds since beginning this new diet and exercise regimen. Also, made some delicious split pea soup the other day. The kids won't touch it so it's all mine. All mine I say ... heh heh heh.

Well, the wife has said she'll try it, though I may not let her.

Feeling very evil this morning. After taking the kids to their doctor appointments (for the adoption process), I think I just may scan through some blogs and create some nasty commentary ... heh heh heh.